For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Randomize
