recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
