From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
