i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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