...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
