I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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