I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
