omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
