When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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