felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
