when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
