I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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