I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
