yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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