is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
