Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
