you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
