I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
