I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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