Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The best revenge is premature balding
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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