Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
