Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
