Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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