Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
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Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
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The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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