Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
