Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Where is the hickey?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
