I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
