So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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