Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
