Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.