Texts From Last Night

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  (718): View more from New York

  There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...

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  (718): There's a dildo in the cheerios box here... http://tfl.nu/sohe
  Replies (12) Good night (1356) Bad night (623)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.

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  (402): i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction. http://tfl.nu/maqc
  Replies (31) Good night (5252) Bad night (514)
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  (831): View more from California

  I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.

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  (831): I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco. http://tfl.nu/qnto
  Replies (34) Good night (3378) Bad night (559)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.

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  (717): Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag. http://tfl.nu/8k5h
  Replies (41) Good night (3378) Bad night (3148)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it

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  (202): Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it http://tfl.nu/amxw
  Replies (6) Good night (4680) Bad night (929)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

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  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (50) Good night (3264) Bad night (5867)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.

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  (908): This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar. http://tfl.nu/pvsf
  Replies (4) Good night (1153) Bad night (519)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..

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  (727): Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter.. http://tfl.nu/a2wm
  Replies (0) Good night (915) Bad night (390)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.

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  (414): Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside. http://tfl.nu/lx27
  Replies (3) Good night (768) Bad night (409)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.

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  (216): just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin. http://tfl.nu/vhdg
  Replies (10) Good night (320) Bad night (508)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now

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  (608): I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now http://tfl.nu/jhxl
  Replies (3) Good night (627) Bad night (358)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help

  (630): View more from Illinois

  This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can

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  (630): It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help (630): My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help (630): This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can http://tfl.nu/n0mf
  Replies (2) Good night (631) Bad night (347)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!

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  (808): It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint! http://tfl.nu/hn06
  Replies (3) Good night (379) Bad night (296)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?

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  (+44): Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time? http://tfl.nu/chs0
  Replies (1) Good night (362) Bad night (336)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.

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  (+44): Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that. http://tfl.nu/vjrp
  Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (183)

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