ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers