My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.