I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.