I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.