Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
