I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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