My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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