I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
