pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't deserve a penis
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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