I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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