Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
