Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
