keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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