There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
