oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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