I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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