chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
