my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you would pick up someone in the library
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
high people should be assigned attendants
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Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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