On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
