the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
