Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
