im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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