If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
