I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
