Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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