dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
