So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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