If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
