Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
