my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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