My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
