I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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