Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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