I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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