I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
