please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
