you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
