Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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