i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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