That's intense
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize