the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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