I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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