if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm both gender and math confused
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
