we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
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You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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