What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
